The Galactic Empire Ceases to Take Over Planets, Starts Advertising Online for Help

In a new breaking story, the Galactic Empire has announced that they will no longer take over planets that are known to be in the Rebellion’s hands. Instead, they are going to begin advertising online, via the Holonet, for new recruits. This comes on the heels of the massive amount of reputation management needed in the wake of the destruction of the planet Alderaan.

For those who didn’t know, were in hibernation, or otherwise occupied by your own small lives, Alderaan, the peaceful planet and ancestral home to one of the leading political families in the Senate, was destroyed. Grand Moff Tarkin, in an attempt to threaten Princess Leia Organa, threatened her home world for some crucial information. Then Tarkin destroyed the planet regardless.

This was seen by a variety of in the Galactic Senate as going too far. To destroy an entire planet while searching for a single base is completely deplorable. The calls for Tarkin’s resignation were immediate and caused chaos in the Senate chambers. The eventual death of Tarkin aboard the very same station that destroyed the planet has not lessened the call for his dismissal.

The Emperor, in his usual dark robe and accompanied by his Royal Guardsmen, made a extremely brief statement today. When asked by a reporter concerning the new decision to stop forced conscription of new recruits, the Emperor extended his hand to the reporter. The reporter, thinking the Emperor was being a friend, reached out his hand and was promptly shot with blue electricity.

All of these events have aided in swayingmore sympathy to the cause of the Rebels. As such, the decision was made to stop taking over planets. With reputation management things could’ve been avoided. It is unknown whether or not the Empire will simply come up with some other way to destroy the planets but only time will tell. For now, we turn backto the annual shockball tournament, where the Infuriated Savages are up by 10 points at the half.

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